Seconds to Snap - One Explosive Day. A Family Destroyed. My Descent into Anorexia. by Tina McGuff & Katy Weitz

Author:Tina McGuff & Katy Weitz [McGuff, Tina]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784186685
Publisher: John Blake Publishing
Published: 2015-06-03T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter 13

A Setback

I can’t sleep. I’m exhausted – every pore in my being needs to sleep, but something is stopping me. I sigh. And slowly a strange feeling comes over me – a cold, terrifying sense of foreboding and doom. My body goes cold with the sudden surge of terror and my eyes flick open. There, over my head, hanging from the white tiled ceiling I have stared at for weeks, is the shiny blade of a guillotine. A blade. Glinting in the flickering neon lights, teasing me with its sharpness and violence.

I freeze with fear. What do I do? In my panic, I sit bolt upright and look up again. It’s still there, hanging between the tiles, threatening at any minute to fall and split me in two. I can almost feel the edge of the blade as it cuts hard and deep into my bones. Now I’m breathing fast, I can’t rest, I can’t sit back.

‘Tina, are you okay? Come on, lie down – you look exhausted.’

Nurses at my bedside – they pull my arm, they try to hold me down, but I can’t move. I am rigid, like stone. The blade, I tell them. There is a huge blade there. I can see it, menacingly shining and sharp. Why can’t they see it, too?

‘There’s nothing there.’ The voices try to reassure me, they think I’m losing my mind. But it is as real to me as my own hands, now quivering with fear. A long rod is produced – they are poking at the ceiling tiles, just to show me. To prove that there is no blade. But it is hiding. I can tell it is still there and, no, I won’t lie back down again. Instead, I crawl to the bottom of my bed and curl up into a small, tight little ball, far from the trajectory of the hanging guillotine.

I don’t want to die, I whisper into the silence of this night. I don’t want to die …

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